monkey park

i'm tired mentally and physically.
and..... (mia can finish this sentence LOL)

anyway, ecology & lit class joint field trip. monkeys.
matcha/sakura softserve. bought yukata.
starbucks. saizeriya.

i'm that exhausted.
sorry >_<

it was an awful and awesome day at the same time.
maybe mia will blog about today.....

so close, yet so far

1 month, 12 days until home

the end of akp cannot come soon enough.
i have no motivation left :(
that ship has sailed, and it's not turning back.

late assignments/hw due soon:
ecology abstract x2 (one late)
ecology field question
religion "festival" paper (late)
religion research paper
japanese essay x2 (both late)
test corrections

i was never like this... what happened??

7 months, 14 days since i last saw matt

(we're not dating. we're kind of "long-distance not dating but not seeing anyone else-ing" as one friend put it)
we've become really close, and i miss him a lot.
he was supposed to arrive in japan for business several months ago,
but the people at immigration (japan) are taking their sweet time with the paperwork. as far as we know, everything's already been processed and cleared. they just need to send some papers to his boss, and he's on his way to japan!
.........but we're still waiting for that to happen :(

5 days until room draw

after stressing over all the possible options for housing next fall (with the numbers my friends and i have to work with), i finally have solid plans. i'll be drawing into a suite with danielle and two of her friends... completely different from what i originally had in mind, but i think it'll turn out well :)
i'm just a little anxious && can't wait for room draw to be over.

25 days (or so) until fall 2009 course registration

tentative classes:
JAPN 475 ~ seminar in japanese studies
CHNS 302 ~ advanced chinese
HIST 236 ~ history of modern japan
PHIL 206 ~ contemporary moral issues

i cannot wait to get back to midd's vigorous pace :)
five-ish months.....

fukui <3

going to fukui with mia for the second half of spring break was one of the best experiences i've ever had in japan =)

i don't have the energy to write the long post those four days warrant, so i'll be even more lazy and just echo mia for now XD
http://miamonnier.blogspot.com/2009/03/fukui.html

i'll get my pictures up soon, but mia's pictures are better anyway =]
http://picasaweb.google.com/mgnm9195/HoyaHoya#

ahhhhh!! >_<

okay, so the title of this blog post isn't quite accurate for what's about to follow, but that's how i'm feeling (as of this moment). i've never felt more "manic-depressive" than in the time i've spent in japan so far. i'm either really happy or desperately wanting to get the hell out. it'd be nice to just be content/okay most of the time... too much to ask maybe? probably.

anyway, i've had A LOT of fun in the past several days with my friends, but i haven't been good about updating this week. i'll get around to blogging after i get back from fukui (NW of kyoto... i think) ~ for reaaals. no joke. i know i say "i'll update later" often, but spring break has been amazing so far && i want to make sure it gets "documented" somewhere outside my (imperfect) memory ^_^

in the meantime, here are some random pictures that will mean nothing....for now :)

adventures with ashley

because i've been up since 5am, and because i don't feel like writing much right now, i'm going to pull one of my in a nutshell's.

in a nutshell:
sunday. met up in saiin. starbucks. hankyu back to katsura. took a walk to katsura bridge. decided to keep walking. saw a lot of kyoto. found ourselves back in saiin over an hour (almost two?) later. took the hankyu back to katsura again. stole wireless internet from my own house from outside the gate at 10pm.

monday. imadegawa. ate lunch leisurely. watched how to lose a guy in 10 days. mos burger. ashley's forgotten purse. different saiin starbucks where i "managed" to get onto a wireless network. stayed there until its midnight closing.

so this post doesn't tell anyone much about anything. but at least it means something to me---so that maybe one day i'll come back to this and elaborate. [let's be honest, probably not. lololol]

parkay, butter!

Amanda sent you a message.

--------------------
Re: Cheer elections

Alright, we voted today at practice....

Congratulations on getting elected Captain for next year! I'm your co-captain, and I'm waiting to see if Ginny is interested in being "Spirit Coordinator" (she was elected, but she wasn't there today so I want to make sure she's okay with it).

YAY~!!!!
thanks amanda :)

i cannot wait for cheerleading again!
for a long time (and even now), it's been one of my 生きがい [something one lives for]
^_^ !!!!!!!

We can't wait to have you back here! Most of the girls had never cheered before, so we're still working on basics. But they're really eager to learn and they're working really hard, so we should be ready for some fun next fall!

Take care, and enjoy the rest of your time in Japan!
<3

eeEEEeEeeEeeEee!!!!!!!

...continued

i talked to the resident director (prof. lofgren - oberlin) about the frustrations and lack of motivation that seem to follow us (akp students) every once in a while. or perhaps it's a little more often than "every once in a while" XD

but anyway, i felt a lot better afterward.
he said a lot of things about why that could be ~ i'll share just one:

"[akp] isn't college."

and i think he's right. for the past two years, we've all adjusted to (and come to love?) college life && for this year, we're living under someone else's roof, someone else's rules. akp's academic atmosphere also does not feel like "college".

so.... how do i feel now?
- i'll finish akp as best i can ~ i've driven my grades down the drain compared to fall term [hopefully, i'm still within B+ range >_<]
- i'm still REALLY excited to go home and see my family <3
[and visit midd before finals are over?]
- counting down the days until america... but probably only until matt gets here XD [then i might not want to go home as quickly lol]

one thing at a time

i haven't even left japan yet, and i'm already thinking about how to come back for an extended period of time.

sound hypocritical?

i'm not very happy with how i'm 生活している("living")... it's not anyone's fault. but i think akp should only be taken in small doses. i've been blessed with many things, and it'd be wrong for me to complain.

long story short, when (not if) i come back, i'll be able to live life on my terms, not someone else's. more later.

we'd all be rich if i had a dollar for every time i've said that in this blog ^_^

edit:

"make the most out of the time i have left"

...as if i'm never coming back. well, i will come back. i don't know when. maybe not immediately after graduation next year, but i will be back. 

in other words, i'm back to counting down the days.

ONE month, 28 days.

running out of time

i overnapped. but i needed sleep, so it works out :)

i got up at 3:30am and have been writing the ecology abstract since then.
unfortunately, i feel like i made little progress...
and i still have so much work left :(

not that i'm "unhappy", but i feel like i can't do what i want to do, need to do in japan. and it's driving me insane. the trip to wakayama couldn't have come at a better time, but now i'm stuck in kyoto again. i would NEVER live in kyoto. nice city to visit every once in a while, i guess. but seriously, when i said i hated japan in the past, what i really meant was kyoto. there's so much about this place that's just superficial ~ "keeping up appearances"

>_<

back to hw. more ranting later.

slow, short strides

it was a good day overall :)
nothing too out of the ordinary.
i skyped with matt (several times actually!) and hung out with friends.
then there was the religion field trip to senbon something or other temple.
(maybe i'll talk about that in another post...)

anyway, i got home in pretty high spirits.
then during dinner, the way my host mom was (repeatedly) telling me to travel over spring break really rubbed me the wrong way. i don't know why. i know she had good intentions, but i felt like there was some slight passive aggressiveness that came along with it.

long story short--- i'm recovering from a cold and intensive exercise would not be a smart idea, but i needed to cancel my gym membership starting the month of april. and i had to take care of that today. so i went to renaissance and had it figured out within ten minutes. there was no miscommunication due to the language barrier :) i understood her japanese, and she understood mine. i also filled out a questionnaire (about the cancellation) in japanese with ease. so that made me feel better.

but not to the point where i was ready to head back home. so i decided to take a walk. i went straight and accidentally found myself where i wanted to be---katsura bridge (knew it existed, but didn't know where it was). i took my time looking over the water and across the river at the city lights. the sad part is, i'm sure many people thought i was about to commit suicide. (i'll blog about that later.) anyway, an hour later and i still didn't want to go home. i could've easily walked for another three hours, but i knew i had to go home v_v

and i hated that feeling. the feeling of NEEDING to "report" to someone after two years of independence and freedom at midd. my strides became slower and shorter as i got closer and closer to my host family's house. i was within 100 meters, and then i decided to take a detour to delay returning to my (spacious) jail cell even later.

no motivation to do hw as of this moment.
taking a nap for a couple hours.
and i'll see where i am then.

my banana got squished

......in other words, it was 満員電車 (full train) today >_<

my banana, which normally would be safe in one's handbag, got so bruised by all the (unwanted!!) body contact *GROWL*

i was calmly waiting in line to get on, and it was actually going rather smoothly at first too. then without warning, i was literally shoved [read: thrown] five feet forward---right into the mass of people already on the train. why must the japanese push and shove their way in? it's something i may never understand. it's like watching civilized people on the platform suddenly turn into primitive animals with the train's arrival.

would you like a side of salaryman grinding up against you this morning?

no, thank you. 

>_<

life.

what a loaded word :)

i'll get around to my adventures in wakayama (akp spring trip) next week.
it's 2:30am, and i'm still awake. i "napped" after dinner until 10:30pm,
so i'm golden in terms of energy and alertness :)

i'm motivated. excited to get some homework done.
so why am i blogging? good question lol ^_^

anyway, i decided to write for a little bit in one of my many journals (this one dating back to 2005). tonight, it was a mini list of short and long-term goals, hopes, and "to do's". and for fun, i flipped back to the beginning and found a similar list. it's amazing how much and how little has changed in four years. (oxymoron much?)

here's a little peek:
#2 pass the JLPT at level one
#6 hike black mt. with my family
#10 have a fun & rewarding (final) cheerleading season senior year

my "things to live by" hasn't changed much~

live life to the fullest.
each morning has potential to become a great day :)

always believe in myself.

don't give in; don't give up.

just do it! make it happen.

keep the goal in sight.

leave my options open.
i might miss a great opportunity otherwise.

what can i say?

^_^

i'm really happy. japanese class is going as well as it's going to be.
electives are still pretty awesome. i LOVE ecology class :)

my friends are the best i could ever ask for.
they make life fun and interesting every day.

skyping with alice & matt is a great way to start my day.
....even if it means i'm only half awake at first :D

i'm not in a "relationship". and nor do i want to be in one right now,
but i've found something i won't let go of too easily <3

two months, one week. so close, and not so far.
i'll be going home soon ~ and that makes me appreciate japan much more.

=)

a little help?

a friend of mine is facing an extremely difficult decision.
i haven't been in her shoes before, but i completely understand nonetheless.
human emotion is universal && i've been through what she's going through.

i trust she'll make the right choice for her---and for not anyone else.
i hope she finds her inner strength to make it without self-doubt or regret.

please send a prayer or some good thoughts her way.
thank you~

not going anywhere

both religion and ecology midterms have been taken.

i hope i did well enough so that i'm not in danger of possibly not making an A in either. even if nothing goes according to "plan", aiming to earn high honors upon graduation gives me a goal to work toward ~ incentive to keep motivation levels up && reason to make the most out of japan.

thesis prep work. very intimidating. good.
the more seemingly impossible, the better.
bring it on.

thanks to a certain someone, i've had my senses knocked back into me.
since when have i run from a challenge??

my refound motivation isn't going anywhere anytime soon.
=)