anywhere but here

i did go to katsura river. and sunbathed. in my bikini.
amongst little kids playing a game of baseball.
and grown women on a picnic.
men were fishing along the river banks.
the sun shone brightly,
illuminating the swarms of insects in the grass.
face turned upward toward the clear blue sky,
iPod in hand, i lost myself in music.

i left the house in attempt to escape.
and even in the sunshine,
i found myself continuing to run.
it was escape from nearly seven years of memories.
by repetitively pushing the ⦊⦊ button on my iPod,
i avoided all the happy, sad, and painful times of the past.

i skipped over too many of my favorite songs.
but 仕方ない. the associations are too strong,
and i wasn't ready to confront the memories.
interestingly, the only ones i didn't avoid were those from 2001.
that summer, my family moved to new hampshire.
and i turned thirteen.

what happened after the river is still a blur.
and yet i remember everything clearly.
it's like there's a misty fog,
shrouding the events of yesterday in my mind.
despite having control over all my actions,
i may not yet understand the whys.

and the easiest thing to do is run.
away from the past.
away from the future.
away from now.....
and that leaves me nowhere.
just lost.

stayed out from 4pm - 11am.....
friends ~ some came and went, others the whole night
places wandered around shijo/sanjo + karasuma/kawaramachi
drinks consumed chronologically

ben
becca + eric
bricker
greg
danielle

starbucks
lawson, other konbini
teramachi + shinkyogoku
kamogawa (river)
the hub ~ an english pub
no name bar
place to remain undisclosed
mashi's apartment
mcdonald's

dark mocha frappacino
two bottles of corona with lime
stolen sips of heineken
tastes of red bull + vodka
grapefruit tonic "house special"
super H2O
awful instant coffee