not goodbye

i walked through teramachi & shinkyogoku for the last time yesterday.
rode the hankyu home for the last time.
said "ただいま" for the last time.
ate the last dinner with my host family.
took my last shower and bath.
slept in my bed for the last time.

i thoroughly cleaned, vacuumed, and wiped things down for two hours.
the whole time, it didn't feel real.
it was just something that i was doing.

i made a new playlist for my iPod ~ "airplane! home!"
charged some batteries for my little old sandisk,
and mindlessly sync'd music to that as well.

my luggage is sitting downstairs now.
mama & papa came up and got them not too long ago.
and now i sit at my desk blogging....
because i don't know what else i can do.

i've been fighting back tears all day.
i have 30 minutes before i leave my house.
and i have no way of expressing my emotions right now.
this leaving thing, this having to say "goodbye" soon,
it really sucks ='(

but i know life goes on.
and that i'll be back to visit.
and that it won't be sayonara,
but rather, またね。